The Purple Llama From Denmark (apatheticalli) wrote,
The Purple Llama From Denmark
apatheticalli

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Unveiling grief

SCHEDULE FOR THE OPENING DAY OF THE REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION

6:00 P.M. - Opening prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell

6:30 P.M. - Pledge of Allegiance

6:35 P.M. - Ceremonial Burning of the Bill of Rights and the Constitution (excluding the Second Amendment)

6:45 P.M. - Salute to the "Coalition of the Willing"

6:46 P.M. - Seminar 1: Katherine Harris on "Are Elections Really Necessary?"

7:30 P.M. - Announcement: Lincoln Memorial Renamed for Ronald Reagan

7:35 P.M. - Trent Lott - "Resegregation in the 21st Century"

7:40 P.M. - EPA Address 1: "Mercury: It's What's for Dinner"

8:00 P.M. - Vote on which country to invade next

8:10 P.M. - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh

8:15 P.M. - John Ashcroft Lecture: "The Homos Are After Your Children"

8:30 P.M. - Round table discussion on reproductive rights (Men Only)

8:50 P.M. - Seminar 2: "Corporations: The Government of the Future"

9:00 P.M. - Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"

9:05 P.M. - Phyllis Schlafly speaks on "Why Women Shouldn't Be Leaders"

9:10 P.M. - EPA Address 2: "Trees: The Real Cause of Forest Fires"

9:30 P.M. - Break for secret meetings

10:00 P.M. - Second Prayer led by Cal Thomas

10:15 P.M. - Carl Rove Lecture: "Doublespeak Made Simple"

10:30 P.M. - Rumsfeld Lecture/Demonstration: "How to Squint and Talk Macho Even When You Feel Squishy Inside"

10:35 P.M. - Bush demonstration of trademark "deer in headlights" stare

10:40 P.M. - John Ashcroft demonstration: New Mandatory Kevlar Chastity Belt

10:45 P.M. - GOP's tribute to tokenism, featuring Colin Powell & Condi Rice

10:46 P.M. - Ann Coulter's tribute to "Joe McCarthy, American Patriot"

10:50 P.M. - Seminar 3: "Education: A Drain on Our Nation's Economy"

11:10 P.M. - Hilary Clinton Piqata

11:20 P.M. - John Ashcroft lecture: "Evolutionists: A Dangerous New Cult"

11:30 P.M. - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again

11:35 P.M. - Blame Clinton

11:40 P.M. - Newt Gingrich speaks on "The Sanctity of Marriage"

11:41 P.M. - Announcement: Ronald Reagan to be added to Mt. Rushmore

11:50 P.M. - Closing prayer led by Jesus Himself

12:00 Mid - Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord
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